love over logic
by lostinthemusicx11
Summary: She sucks in one more deep breath, lets it go, and wipes her slate clean.  She did what she had to do to protect him.  She just wishes eventually he'll see it, too. Spoby 2x12


**_A/N: Thought of this idea last night and just had to share it with you. I know I've only written for Ezria so far in regards to PLL fanfics, but Spoby is my second favorite couple (Haleb's my 3rd) and I really wanted to broaden my horizons a little. Happy Holidays to everyone :)_**

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><p><em>-love over logic-<em>

_Spoby_

When she says there's no way Toby could ever navigate through her tonnage of emotional debris, she's hardly kidding, much to Wren's playful laughter and skepticism. She's endured a lot over the years-collected a ridiculous amount of baggage she just can't seem to put away—but the brunt of her internal conflict is now. She has a real reason to be afraid, a real excuse to want to crawl into a hole or run somewhere and hide.

But Toby doesn't know this. And neither does Wren. Or even her parents or Melissa. The only other people who are aware are her three best friends and look where they've all ended up. Living in fear of suffering the wrath of an evil text messenger named A.

It's all A's fault, she thinks, bitterly cursing the large capital letter she's become so acquainted with via every electronic device imaginable. A's the one who put Toby in danger. A's the one who forced her to cut the cord.

And now, A has finally won by viciously ripping away the best thing that's happened to her in a long time.

_A has ruined her life. All their lives._

Toby thinks she's a liar whose crafting poorly made excuses and perhaps at this point, she is. Perhaps she hasn't been trustworthy from the start, keeping her and her friends' many secrets hidden from him, though it's not like she wanted to.

If she could tell, she would, no question about that. She'd tell Toby how she'd been jealous of Melissa and tried to steal Ian from her. She'd tell him how sorry she was for ever thinking he was Ali's killer and wishing bad things on him. She'd tell him how the whole mess with A started and how A had tried to hurt both Hanna and Emily by running her over with a car or injecting her pain cream with HGH. She'd tell him how A was still on the loose.

She didn't know if he'd believe her. If she were him, she'd think she was crazy. She'd think she were so desperate for attention, she'd merely fabricated the entire thing for sympathy. _If she were him…_

She finds it useless to hypothesize how he would react if she told him. It's stupid and pointless and not worth her time or frustration. He's gone and he's never coming back.

Because if he does, he'll be putting himself in danger. He'll be stuck with the girl who is so emotionally unstable and defeated and afraid of checking her phone every time it rings, he'll definitely run.

_At least that's what she convinces herself._

Later that night when the cops drag her from the holding cell and he won't leave, she pretends she doesn't hear what he is saying. She ignores his pleading shouts and the hurt look in his eyes. She tells herself he's not really there.

_Spencer! I don't care what you can't tell me, I care about you! I love you! Do you hear me? I love you! Spencer! Spencer!_

She keeps on walking, feeling the tightening grip of the police officer on her wrist. A few silent tears fall from her eyes and stain her mud-streaked face. She feels like screaming at the cop to let go of her, then running up to Toby to do the same. He doesn't love her and never will. He'll hate her once he learns all the details she's kept hidden from him and how she and the girls along with Alison are responsible for blinding his stepsister. He'll never want to see her again.

She's almost tempted to break free of the cop on her own, spin on her heel, and say all these things to him. She's almost tempted to see how he'll react or if he'll react. But she doesn't do this either.

No, instead she allows the cop to continue to lead her, struggling to walk in the six-inch party heels she wore to Hanna's dad's almost wedding, without even so much as one final glance back in his direction. She silently tells herself she's doing the right thing and she's happier this way. _They both are._

Because now they won't have to worry about each other. She knows he's safe and A will leave him alone.

_She just knows it._

At least she thinks so. She needs to convince herself a little more that this is the right choice, Toby is better off, and worthy of someone who will treat him how he deserves to be treated. Toby is better off with someone who can be _honest _with him.

The cop stops walking and Spencer follows suit, his grip loosening on her. She's reunited with her friends—Aria, Emily, and Hanna—and they're all just standing together eyes darting back and forth around their small group. No one says a word so Spencer uses that as her chance to silently reflect on her and Wren's earlier conversation one last time. She thought he'd be able to understand where she was coming from given their short prior history together (or even his medical background), but evidently she was wrong.

And if Wren can't understand her, there's no shot Toby will able to, either. No guy can. _Not ever._

_This is the right thing._ Spencer says with a firm finality. _This. Is. What's. Right._

She exhales deeply, willing all her memories of Toby to just magically erase themselves from her heartbroken and panic-stricken little head. It works, though only for a moment.

Spencer takes another look around the room at her equally distraught friends. By now, they all have tears in their eyes and Spencer can't help crying for what feels like the hundredth time as well.

She imagines Toby still standing there, hoping she'll change her mind, except she has a hunch that he realizes she's not going to.

So she sucks in one more deep breath, lets it go, and wipes her slate clean. She did what she had to do to protect him. _She just wishes he'll eventually see it, too._


End file.
